shiroi
by miriya v
Summary: Neji finds out that he was right, after all. Angst, death, more angst -- because, y'know, one wouldn't want you to think fluff is the norm.


Notes: It is a bad idea to have what is quite possibly one of the saddest songs of all time all by itself on your playlist when trying to produce Quality Fiction. It is even worse to have the karaoke version of the song and realize that you don't have to try to imitate Gackt's voice breaking in the song because you'll do it nonetheless. Hoshi no Suna -- song of TEH SADFACE, go listen now and cry with me, because I feel so very alone in this. Mou.  
  
As I am wont to do on each and every lyric wheel fic, this is angst. Buttloads of it. Character death, even. Argh. I'm sorry.  
  
So, yeah. Here you are.  
  
Song is Blue Monday (Orgy version is the one I thought of, but originally by . . . New Order, is it?) x_x Neji/Naruto . . . something, unbetaed, because I've yet to find a beta, and because it's godawful late. Naruto, unfortunately, is still not mine.  
  
shiroi  
(all these hunters who are shrieking now o do they speak for us?)  
  
He lays quietly and very still and watches the snow fall, much too tired to really care about the way his vision flickers in and out of focus. White and white and white against the deep dark sky, is it the snow or is this worse than he first thought?  
  
He can't answer. Strange, though -- for all his life it seemed that he'd had all the answers. Yes, bad things happen to people and that is destiny. That is an inescapable fate. Yes, good things happen, and that too is destiny. And once, a strong boy with brilliant blue eyes and an infectious smile had convinced him that it wasn't so.  
  
Around him, the snow is rushing to its death and he can't understand anymore why it would.  
  
When he was much younger, he'd dreamed a strange dream. Snow and a forest and someone calling him softly back to the world, someone precious with a gentle voice whispering to him how does it feel? He'd never had an answer.  
  
Ah, yes. He knows this well because he's never forgotten, always clinging to what he can remember of it even if he isn't quite sure /why/.  
  
Here, the snow falls large and beautiful. And here, the forest around him, traitorous and dark and he's always been able to see so well in the dark, why this, why now? He is just beginning to understand so much, /he/ is going to show him so, so much more . . .  
  
Here, that special person, the snow-spangled blonde hair and the bright hunter orange of a shoulder he knows to be stronger than one would expect from the look of it. Indefinably strong, because /weak/ is not a word in Naruto's vocabulary.  
  
He dares not move. The ground beneath him is warmer than it should be (though cooling now, he thinks) and he can't feel his legs and he's pretty sure he knows what that means.  
  
_Hello there, Naruto. The snow's awfully pretty, isn't it? Why are you looking at me like /that/?_  
  
"Neji! Neji, hey . . ."  
  
The boy pauses a moment, and Neji tries his best to focus on the pinkish blur that is his face. For a moment, his vision clears and he wonders at the stricken look Naruto wears -- it is an expression he isn't used to seeing on the bright boy's face, a strange contrast to everything he can remember of him. Naruto hardly ever frowns, rarely seriously, and never for very long.  
  
"Neji . . . how . . ?"  
  
Ah. Naruto, his voice trembling and breaking against the ocean of his words in that space between child's alto and adolescent tenor. Strong and beautiful and brave and he thinks he understands better now what is happening. It seems odd to him that Naruto would shed tears for him. Part of him is taken aback that someone so strong should cry at all. The rest of him is grateful -- no one has ever shed tears for him before, and perhaps it isn't so weak at all, because Naruto /isn't/ weak. It's the difference between them, he knows -- Naruto is strong enough to show his emotions openly without fearing how others will use them against him. Naruto is always so strong, even now . . .  
  
Silently, the boy moves to him, and Neji's sight blurs once more beyond recognition. It hurts to keep his eyes open, so he lets them close and breathes shallowly. It seems to make it a little better.  
  
Here, that strange warmth on his face, moist and not the snow melting because it's /warm/ and he can sense rather than see those eyes that he's always felt so much for, whether it was anger or trust or --  
  
He can smell, faintly, the blood on Naruto's skin (or is it his own?). He's had enough blood to last a lifetime in these last few years. He strains to remember what he was taught in the academy . . . the loss of sensation in the extremities, the light-headedness . . . oh yeah, he's willing to bet the blood this time around is his. He's willing to bet there's a lot of it. He's had the sneaking suspicion for a while, now.  
  
It's cold. His body feels like ice, but he doesn't want to move. Everything about being the genius, everything about being undefeatable doesn't seem to matter much to him anymore. It's cold, oh yes, but it doesn't hurt so bad. If he can hold on just a little longer, he knows he can come out of this. He /knows/.  
  
But for now . . . this is okay.  
  
A painful cough later and sticky blood comes to his mouth -- this is no good, he realizes. This is no good at all.  
  
For a moment, the roar of the snow fills his ears and he's afraid that Naruto's gone away. And that scares him, so tries to move his hands to catch at him but they won't work right now -- maybe they're too cold, or maybe it's something worse. He tries to concentrate, but his mind shifts to other things, and he thinks that maybe he wasn't always as right as people liked to think he was. Or at least, he was never right when he needed to be.  
  
This isn't one of those times.  
  
"Damn," he mutters against the sky and catches a snowflake on his tongue. He hears a quiet crunch of snow, and then a flare of heat against his face -- he feels, just barely, the outline of hands against his cheeks and forces to his mouth into what he hopes is a smile.  
  
"Neji . . . " Naruto's voice, this time, is much quieter, and Neji can barely catch it against the wind. Those hands burn across his skin and fade at his neck -- briefly, he wonders what the other is doing.  
  
And he's wondering what Naruto is thinking, but can't seem to find the energy to ask. Perhaps he doesn't really want to know. Naruto just might tell him.  
  
It really is cold, though. He settles on saying so, and this time Naruto's voice really breaks as he apologizes. Neji feels something tug lightly low in his belly, and opens his eyes just enough to see Naruto pull his hands away, stained red.  
  
Maybe he won't make it out of this after all. This time, he thinks, he was right all along. He'd known his true destiny and had accepted it all those years ago as he'd lain awake and trembling in his bed. But Naruto has tried to teach him that it isn't true and he's tried hard to believe him . . .  
  
. . . but this time, it looks like he's been right.  
  
Naruto turns to him and his eyes are as bright as they ever were, even though this time they are shining with tears and a wrenching sort of desperation like he never should have to know. "How," he whispers softly, too softly, his face crumpling fragile like a paper lantern on the water, "does it feel?"  
  
Neji knows instinctively what the boy has said, even if he hasn't heard the words. This time, the answer is easy.  
  
"I can't feel anything," he says.  
  
Neji closes his eyes again, his apology lost in the wind.  
  
And Naruto screams against the snow and the pain and every destiny that has ever dared come true.  
  
But Neji can't hear him anymore.  
  
- fin -  
December 20, 2003  
  
Well, fucky-ha. This didn't turn out nearly as nice as I wanted it. Maybe it's cos I'm treading the path of exhaustion, and the screen is blurring like a dirty mofo. x_x Argh. Anyway. Sorry.  
  
Shiroi -- depending on the reading of the Kanji, means snow, pure, Haku's name . . . other things I probably haven't learned yet. Really, it was named thus because I was thinking of the Malice Mizer song. Y'know, that REALLY GOOD ONE that Klaha does from the Bara no Seido album. *_*  
  
I promise next time will be better. Especially since next on the list is teh ninja!pr0n, and that interesting little ficling I've been thinking about for a while. So happier Neji is in store! 


End file.
